


Damned

by GenitalGrievous



Series: These Days [2]
Category: Speed Racer (2008)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-06-23
Updated: 2009-06-23
Packaged: 2018-01-16 22:11:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1363528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GenitalGrievous/pseuds/GenitalGrievous
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Speed convinces Racer X. Inspector Detector can feel X pulling away.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Damned

The light was bright, it glared, it encompassed his entire vision. He screwed his eyes shut, feeling saline brimming over the edges and down his cheeks. He opened his eyes again, but was still assaulted by the lights. He closed his eyes and moved his hand to shade them. He heard a struggle, something clattered on the floor. He opened his eyes again.  
“Speed?” He recognized Trixie’s voice.  
He tried to speak, but his words came out as a muffled wheeze.   
There was another clatter, and retreating footsteps.  
“Nurse! He’s--He’s awake!”  
More footsteps.  
Speed’s eyes were slowly adjusting to the glaring lights, he could see a shadowy form hovering above himself.  
“T-Trix?” He managed.  
“I’m here.” Trixie.   
Speed closed his eyes.  
“Speed!? No, don’t close your eyes, stay with me!”  
“I’m fine.” Speed growled.  
“Speed?” Pleading.  
“I need to see X.”  
“Speed, why? I’m here!”  
“I need to see X.” Speed felt his eyelids weighing down. Trixie’s voice sounded like it was coming to him from far away as he exhaled slowly and felt his body sag.

“Rex?” Inspector Detector called from the kitchenette, muffling the receiver with the palm of his hand.  
Racer X walked into the room methodically wiping engine grease off his hands on a damp rag. “Yes?”  
“It’s Speed.” Detector watched X’s face tense up, “He’s awake.”  
“His family is with him.” X turned around and started retreating down the hallway.  
“He’s--asking for you.”  
“He’s asking for Rex.” X turned around, and Detector could see his furrowed brow, “It can’t be helped.”  
“No--He’s--” Detector almost didn’t want to explain. He couldn’t quite fathom why, but he was exceptionally jealous of the relationship that Rex and Speed had shared, however far gone it was. “He’s asking for Racer X.”  
Rex hesitated. “Why?”  
“I don’t know. A-are you going to him?” Detector shifted his palm on the receiver, anticipating X’s response  
“I have to.” X moved briskly towards the bedroom and returned with his cowl and mask in hand.   
“He’s on his way.” Detector managed into the phone.  
Detector put the phone down on the counter and walked towards X, who was putting his boots on by the door. Detector leaned against him, resting his cheek on X’s chest. He could feel X’s torso shift as he sighed. X reached up and gently mussed his hair.  
“Be careful.” Detector said, his throat tightening.  
X kissed Detector on the hairline. “I always am.” He said slowly, and broke away from Detector to open the front door.  
As the deadbolt clicked into place behind X Detector took his glasses off and massaged the bridge of his nose tightly.

Footsteps.  
Inaudible whispering outside.  
More footsteps.  
“Speed?” Racer X.  
Speed opened his eyes. He blinked to rinse the glaring hospital lights out of his vision. Racer X was standing beside his bed, his mouth turned down in a scowl. Trixie was by the door.  
“Trix--”  
“--Speed--”  
“--Leave.”  
Trixie bit her lip, her eyes reflecting the bright lights through unshed tears. She stepped out the door and shut it behind her slowly.  
“Speed--” Racer X began, but couldn’t bring himself to finish.  
“Racer X.” Speed licked his lips with a dry tongue. “I need to ask you something.”  
X pulled up the visitor’s chair and sat down close to the head of the bed. Speed closed his eyes for a moment and reopened them. “I need to explain first.”  
X inhaled, his chest felt tight and his palms sweaty within his leather gloves. “Take your time, Speed.”  
“My brother Rex--”  
X inhaled sharply, his jaw clenched.  
“--tried really hard to succeed in what he believed in. He died trying. I always kind of thought that my hero, the most important person who I would ever meet, had died, that as a child I had met that person, and I would never have a chance to feel like--Like I had a purpose again--”  
“--Speed--”  
“--Let me finish.”  
X nodded slowly, swallowing through his constricted throat.  
“You, and Detector, and Taejo, you all came into my life, and you showed me an amazing purpose. And I slowly realized, that--That was what Rex was trying to do. Rex was trying to change the WRL, and he died doing it. And--And we did it. We changed it forever.”  
X closed his eyes under the shade of his cowl.  
“Don’t--I mean--Don’t you think that--Well. Rex’s purpose is complete. Doesn’t that make him really and truly dead for the first time?”  
“I--”  
“I mean, he failed. He tried, and he failed. And now, that cause that he died for--It’s unnecessary! He--He’s really dead.”  
“Speed--”  
“My brother Rex, he’s faded away now. His records have been broken, the cause he fought for has a new champion. I don’t want to be like that, Racer X.”  
“Why are you telling me this?”  
“You’re the only person I can tell.”  
“Why?”  
“Because you’re not my brother. Because I just woke up in a hospital, and I’m not sure, but I think last night I tried to make the jump at Thunderhead without a car.”  
X realized that over the course of Speed’s confession the lens of his cowl had fogged over. He reached up and unzipped the hood, and pulled it off his head slowly. His cheeks were damp with saline.  
“Racer X--” Speed began before swallowing, “I--I think you might be the first person I’ve met in a long time who makes me--Makes me think that maybe there is something worth living for besides Rex.”  
“Speed--”  
“When I thought about what I was going to do I thought about everybody--How they would look, and act, after I died and somehow--It was your reaction that I dreaded. I never want to see you the way I saw you in my imagination.”  
“Why are you telling me this now?” X massaged the bridge of his nose, a learned habit.   
“I guess prospective death kind of--I don’t know. Put my wind up.” Speed smiled weakly. “You-you’re positive you aren’t my brother, right?”  
X choked. He never felt guiltier than now about his long kept secret. “Y-yes. I’m positive.”  
Speed reached out feebly to grasp X’s hand in his own. “Good.”  
X inhaled shakily.  
“Racer X?” Speed turned his head towards X.  
“Y-Yes, S-Speed?” X tried to imagine that it someone else making him feel like this. His heart beat a quick tattoo against his chest.  
“Will you kiss me?”  
X exhaled, his throat constricted tighter, and he closed his eyes. In the few moments he had before he needed to respond, he said a quick prayer for forgiveness. “Yes Speed.” He managed, his voice sounded lower than usual. X tightened his eyes and leaned down, meeting Speed’s lips with his own.   
Speed smiled widely, pressing his closed lips against X’s forcefully. X clenched his teeth and closed his eyes. All of his instincts were crying out that he was doing the worst thing he could possibly be doing, that this was not going to be the proper first step on the road to recovery for Speed. But at the same time, an iota of his being was leaping in the air, fists raised to the sky in a dance of triumphant joy.  
Inspector Detector’s face flashed briefly in X’s mind’s eye. His expression was blank, impassive. X closed his jaw tighter, willing himself to not breathe. His chest hurt. Speed leaned out of the kiss, and smiled. Briefly, his eyes glinted almost maliciously. X grimaced. Speed’s grin widened.  
“Is this really want you want?” X managed, feeling a strained tightness stretching across his sternum.   
“In every way possible.” Speed’s eyes narrowed, and it was hard for X to tell if it was only from his smiling.  
“I’m damned for this. Did you know that?” X licked his lips, finding it increasingly harder to intake enough air into his lungs.  
“Damned? How so?”  
“In every way possible.” X said in a hushed voice. I’ll be damned if you love me, but I’ll be equally damned if you don’t.  
Speed’s smiled softened slightly. “You sir, are a silly man.” He puckered his lips for another kiss.  
X sighed, willing the tears in the edges of his eyes away. “Maybe so.” He leaned in and kissed Speed again. Detector was there again, in his head. He thought about everything Detector had done for him over the years, of all of the work they had done together, he thought of the bed that they shared, and acknowledged that his side of the bed was going to continue getting colder. X didn’t have the willpower to avoid Speed, somehow it was something he had wanted for many years because, simply put, it meant he and Speed would be able to really spend time together again. With this thought in his mind X didn’t pull away when Speed gently licked his lips. Even though he knew that it was not the correct path, X opened his mouth and granted Speed entrance.  
Speed cupped X’s cheek in his hand and tilted his chin up, deepening the kiss. A tear splashed onto Speed’s cheek. 

-

X looked over at Speed. Speed’s eyes were fixated on the popcorn ceiling of the home X and Inspector Detector shared. X closed his eyes tightly and rolled over, wrapping his arms around Speed and kissing him, pressing their lips together.  
Detector had been called out of city for a project with the CIB, and X had taken the time to call Speed. They had not been in contact since Speed had been discharged from the hospital. However, upon actually seeing each other the two men had allowed anxiousness to get the better of both of them. They had disrobed, and laid in the bed, but neither men had been able to make a move for some time.  
X ran his hand down Speed’s side, gripping his hip as he moved his hips against X forcefully. X bit Speed’s lower lip, and kissed his way along Speed’s jaw line, pausing to nip gently at his throat, and worked his way down to one nipple. He managed to find his way around Speed’s body, planting small kisses along the young skin, with his eyes tightly screwed shut.  
He tried, albeit hopelessly, to imagine that the supple body, reacting in gentle little jerks to his ministrations, was any body but that of Speed Racer. Speed tentatively brought his hands up, raking his fingers along X’s ribcage and across his broad chest until they reached his face, which Speed held firmly, bringing him up to eye level. X kept his eyes shut.  
“Why won’t you look at me?” Speed asked in a hushed voice, running a calloused thumb over X’s eyelid.  
“I’m terrified--” X ran out of words, his breathing sounded ragged even in his own ears.  
Speed kissed X gently on the cheekbone, “Terrified?”  
X exhaled, a dull pain was forming beneath his sternum, “I’m terrified that I’ll open my eyes and--and--I’ll see you.”  
Speed chuckled, his breast vibrating with the low rumbling sound against X, “I am here, you know.”  
“I know--” X whispered, “That’s why I’m so scared.”  
Speed released X’s face to wrap his arms around X’s torso, pulling him down sharply and began to nibble at X’s neck and shoulder roughly. X groaned, the sound reverberating through his throat.   
“Racer X,” Speed said in a hushed voice, moist heat caressing X’s throat from between his lips, “I want to be inside of you.”  
X’s breath caught in his throat and he could feel a wave of terror run down his body, “Speed, I--”  
“Now.” Speed said softly, running his hands down X’s back to cup his buttocks.   
Speed kissed X on the lips, gently and first, and then more forcefully. Through a constricted throat X managed, “Condoms--in the bottom drawer of the nightstand.”  
Speed rolled over and fished a condom out of the drawer and waved it in the air without facing X. “Do you have lube in here, too? Or do you and the good Inspector--”  
“--Please don’t.” X clenched his jaw. The last thing he needed was for Speed to bring up that he had someone else, someone who loved him. Someone who, many times, he firmly believed he loved as well.   
“Fine, I--” Speed rolled over, “Never mind, found it!”  
Speed kissed X again, running his hand down X’s chest and hesitating on his waistline, moving back and forth where the waistband of his boxers was.  
X growled softly in the back of his throat.   
“If we’re going to do this, let’s get it over with!” X growled through clenched teeth.  
“Feisty today?” Speed smirked.  
X grabbed Speed at the nape of his neck and pulled him into a hard kiss. “Shut up--and get this over with!”  
Speed hastily unwrapped a condom and, pinching the tip, rolled it over his hardened cock. X could feel sweat collecting at his hairline and dripping into his eyebrows as Speed began to laboriously work his cock, squirting about half a teaspoon of lube onto his hand and working it onto his skin.   
X closed his eyes tightly and tried to give in to the moment. He felt his shoulders spasm lightly with each wave of pleasure radiating from his groin. Two race-callused fingers gently daubed the same lubricant onto his clenching and unclenching anus. Indecision flickered across X’s eyelids in the form of a brief spasm that only Speed could read. Speed could read any of X’s reactions, and, unknown to X could quail them in their infant forms. Speed pressed a kiss onto X’s eyelids, each in turn, and hummed gently--a variation of a tune that he had frequently heard his mother hum in the kitchen. Two tiny trickles of tears worked their way out of X’s closed eyes, and Speed quickly kissed them away.  
“Da dum dum dum,” Speed hummed, positioning his cock at X’s entrance.   
“Speed” X breathed, his chest rising and falling rapidly, “Speed, I--”  
“Duuuuuuuu--” Speed pushed into X in one go, “--uuuum!”  
X groaned, pushing up against Speed, trying his hardest to not remember the way Speed’s tiny frail form has sat in his lap in the Mach 4 at Thunderhead, trying not to remember how he used to watch Speed’s face, and the minute changes in it whenever he forced him to close his eyes, X tried not to remember any of this, and he failed miserably. 

In the end, Speed rose and, without being bidden, dressed and left. Flashing a last grin at X before he closed the bedroom door behind him. X laid in the bed for a long time, and as the heat dissipated the sheets and comforter felt clammy and cold against his body. He rose and opened the window to air the bedroom out, and as he looked down into the parking lot of the apartment complex he saw Detector’s car pulling into his spot.


End file.
